Don't Get Me Started by Kate Clinton (English) Paperback Book

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A hilarious collection of 26 short pieces, "Don't Get Me Started" showcases stand-up comic Kate Clinton's rapier wit on such topics as dieting, gay marriage, cloning, TV talk shows, politics, computers, lesbian chic, and more.

FORMATPaperback LANGUAGEEnglish CONDITIONBrand New Publisher Description

Let's get one thing straight. I'm not. I'm out and proud. When I'm out and it's raining I carry an umbrella. I used to be in but I hate the smell of mothballs. My closet was huge, complete with a foyer, turnstile, a few dead bolts, and a burglar alarm that had to be deactivated before I could even touch the door handle. And then there was the storm door. It wasn't until I had lived and slept with a woman for a year that it occurred to me to ask, "Do you think we're lesbians?" By the way, never come out to your father in a moving vehicle.Now I've written a book. It's not as easy as it looks. One night, I was working late on my computer when a little message came up on the screen, "You are almost out of memory." Here are my thoughts and observations on everything from gay marriage (Mad Vow Disease) to my morbid fear of mascots (with the exception of the San Diego Chicken). That's all I'm going to say because I don't want to spoil it for you. That's a job for Jesse Helms.

Author Biography

A self-described fumerist (feminist/humorist), Kate Clinton taught English for eight years before a writing workshop and improvisational class convinced her that her political views deserved a public hearing. She quit teaching, took a job as a window washer, and started her professional stand-up career in 1981, using politics, Catholicism, and her lesbianism as basic themes. She performs one-woman shows across the country and writes columns for the Progressive and the Advocate. She has appeared on Arsenio Hall, Good Morning America, Nightline, CNN, C-Span, and many other places. Although she has four comedy albums to her credit, Don't Get Me Started is her first book.

Review

"Girls with mascara--watch out! Kate will have it running down your cheeks in no time flat. Thank heaven Kate did get started. She makes the world a funnier place."--ROSIE O'DONNELL"Kate Clinton is a hero to women, to feminists, to lesbians, and to anyone who loves a good laugh. Don't Get Me Started is laugh-out-loud funny. Do yourself a favor. Buy this book--and get ready to laugh."--Bay Area Reporter"SASSY . . . WICKED . . . HILARIOUS . . . BOTH HUGELY ENTERTAINING AND PROUDLY LIBERATING."--Q San Francisco"Kate Clinton manages the neat trick of being deliciously sane. Her book is a joy, filled with tasty, politically dangerous thoughts; Kate is the person you want to sit next to in the back row."--PAUL RUDNICK

Review Quote

"Girls with mascara--watch out! Kate will have it running down your cheeks in no time flat. Thank heaven Kate did get started. She makes the world a funnier place." --ROSIE O'DONNELL "Kate Clinton is a hero to women, to feminists, to lesbians, and to anyone who loves a good laugh. Don't Get Me Started is laugh-out-loud funny. Do yourself a favor. Buy this book--and get ready to laugh." --Bay Area Reporter "SASSY . . . WICKED . . . HILARIOUS . . . BOTH HUGELY ENTERTAINING AND PROUDLY LIBERATING." --Q San Francisco "Kate Clinton manages the neat trick of being deliciously sane. Her book is a joy, filled with tasty, politically dangerous thoughts; Kate is the person you want to sit next to in the back row." --PAUL RUDNICK From the Trade Paperback edition.

Excerpt from Book

prevariKate : 1. phr. liar, liar, pants on fire. The day Richard Nixon took the big dirt nap in 1994 was Earth Day, and a minor earthquake rattled Southern California near his burial site. I''ve always thought it wasn''t so much an earthquake as the earth doing "Ptui" to get rid of him. Nixon was buried in San Clemente, French for "without a pardon," near the Nixon Library. Presidents Ford, Carter, Bush, and Clinton made the service look like Four Presidents and a Funeral. I don''t remember if Ronald Reagan was there, but neither does he. The first lady, Pat Nixon, or "Poor Pat" as she was usually referred to, was not there. She had predeceased her husband by five years. Who can blame her? Tricia Nixon Eisenhower was a reminder that we all had gotten older. Henry Kissinger mumbled through his eulogy, sounding like Marlene Dietrich doing "The Man I Love." The funeral was another event in the long Nixon rehabilitation--he got us out of Vietnam (he did not), he started talks with China (it was the only country that would talk to us at the time), and the Watergate break-in was ordered by Hillary Clinton. It was an astounding bit of revisionism. Nixon is dead! Long live Nixon as Newt Gingrich and his band of Republican House majority tricksters. The GOP hired O. J. Simpson, Kato "Pretty Street, No Cars" Kaelin and Lance "I saved Jay Leno''s career" Ito to focus attention out west, away from the right side of the country while they dismantled the government in one hundred days or less, by taking out a "Contract on America." My theory is that Nixon ordered it from the grave. But I get ahead of myself. I began performing stand-up comedy in 1981, the same year that Ronald Reagan began his comedy. The president was known as the master of the one-liner. His gigs were well produced and spun by a professional atmosphere queen, Michael Deaver. Security was a problem, and after the assassination attempt on Reagan, Alexander Haig did not reassure us with "I''m in charge now" from a White House Situation Room/Tanning booth. After he was shot, Reagan achieved an untouchable quality. Mustn''t make fun of him, hush, hush, he was almost assassinated. My theory is that the Republicans did it. I am not so callous as to suggest they shot him, that was Jodie Foster, but I am suggesting when he was in the hospital, Reagan was reconditioned. Same thing happened with the pope the same year. Nancy Reagan was such a piece of work, she should have been on my comedy payroll. She seemed so lifelike. It was her Valium-laced frozen face that launched the War on Drugs with "Just Say No." The "thank you" was implied. At one photo op press conference, she toured a crack house and decried how awful it was, yet one suspected that for our Drug Czarina it had something to do with a plaid couch. I never got used to saying "President Ronald Reagan." It was like saying "President Merv Griffin." Reagan wasn''t so much a president as the host. He was having such a good time playing president and going on vacation that he decided to run again. The Democrats nominated Walter Mondale as sacrificial lamb and rightly suspected it was going to be a real rout, so they put a woman on the ticket, Geraldine Ferraro. That way they could lose heavily, then say "I told you so," and not try a woman again for another hundred years. In his second term, Reagan completed the work of his first term--the rich got really rich, everything was deregulated, advocacy programs were quashed, the Savings and Loan program was trashed, the deficit was tripled, unions were busted, Housing and Urban Development was in shambles, banks were closing, the military got lots of new toys, the religious right was stronger, and AIDS was ignored. This proved that the operation to make Reagan a perfect asshole had been a success. During his second term, the Iran Contra scandal came to light, with the gap-toothed Caucasian soldier of fortune Oliver North running money through the White House so he could get his own talk show. In what later became the Alzheimer''s defense, Reagan claimed he thought it was a war for drugs, not on drugs, and that Iraq was the past tense of Iran. He also said he thought it was Pittsburgh, not Bitburg. Polls showed that people disliked everything Reagan was doing but somehow liked him as a person and thought he should run for a third term. There were rules against that in what was left of the Constitution, so Gramps couldn''t run and besides he''d lost interest. The Republican Convention was held in Houston in August, so that Republican women could wear their furs in the air-conditioning and nominate Vice President George Halcyon Bush. My dad said George Bush seemed like a nice enough guy with lots of experience--senator, ambassador, head of the CIA under Nixon, vice president. I argued he just couldn''t hold a job. Head of the CIA was the scariest thing on his r

Details ISBN0345430166 Author Kate Clinton Publisher Random House USA Inc ISBN-10 0345430166 ISBN-13 9780345430168 Format Paperback Imprint Ballantine Books Inc. Place of Publication New York Country of Publication United States Language English Short Title DONT GET ME STARTED Media Book Residence New York City, NY, US Illustrations black & white illustrations DOI 10.1604/9780345430168 Pages 208 Year 2000 Publication Date 2000-01-04 AU Release Date 2000-01-04 NZ Release Date 2000-01-04 US Release Date 2000-01-04 UK Release Date 2000-01-04 DEWEY 792.7028092 Audience General We've got this

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