The Mourning Handbook: The Most Comprehensive Resource Offering Practical and Co

The Nile on eBay   FREE SHIPPING UK WIDE   The Mourning Handbook by Helen FitzGerald

Offers advice for coping with the loss of a loved one.

FORMATPaperback LANGUAGEEnglish CONDITIONBrand New Publisher Description

Helen Fitzgerald, author of The Grieving Child, has compiled a guide to help readers practically and emotionally grieve the death of loved ones. No one should be left to grieve alone. Even with the help of friends and family, grieving the death of a loved one can be a complex, sometimes overwhelming, process. The Mourning Handbook is written as a companion to those mourners in need of practical and emotional assistance during the trying times before and after the death of a loved one. Having counseled thousands of people who have experienced loss, Helen Fitzgerald gives special attention to the complex emotions that can accompany especially traumatic situations, such as when a loved one has been murdered, when there have been multiple deaths, when a body has not been recovered, or when the mourner has been the inadvertent cause of death. Designed to conform to the special needs of the bereaved, The Mourning Handbook is written and organized in an accessible style punctuated by real stories of people who have experienced every kind of loss. With many subchapters and cross references, it can be consulted for a specific problem or read at length.

Author Biography

Helen Fitzgerald is the author of The Grieving Child: A Parent's Guide. She is the coordinator of the first grief program in the nation established in a community mental health center (The Mt. Vernon Center for Community Mental Health in Springfield, Virginia). A certified death educator, Fitzgerald devoted herself to the field after the death of her husband left her a widow with four children. She lectures across the country on the subject. The success of her program has led to the creation of similar programs nationally. She lives in Fairfax, Virginia.

Table of Contents

Contents Foreword Before you Begin This Book Introduction Chapter 1 FACTS ABOUT GRIEF 1.1 Definitions Grief Mourning 1.2 When Does Grief Begin? 1.3 How Long Does Grief Last? Age of the Deceased Cause of Death Nature of Relationship Other Events in One''s Life Support Systems Resources One Can Command One''s Coping Skills Sexual Differences 1.4 Does Grief End? 1.5 Why Must You Express Your Grief'. Understanding the Grief Process Chapter 2 PREPARING FOR A DEATH 2.1 The Diagnosis Only the Beginning 2.2 Visiting the Dying 2.3 Anticipatory Grief How Anticipatory Grief Can Be Helpful When Is Anticipatory Grief Not Helpful? 2.4 When Death Comes When Death Occurs in a Hospital When Death Occurs at Home Chapter 3 FUNERAL PREPARATIONS 3.1 Why Have a Funeral? 3.2 Planning the Funeral When Cost Is a Factor Making the Funeral Meaningful 3.3 Selecting a Cemetery 3.4 Burial What Happens to the Body After Burial? Visiting the Grave How Often Should You Visit the Grave? Thoughts Pertaining to the Headstone 3.5 Cremation 3.6 Memorial Services 3.7 Cenotaphs 3.8 Disposing of Personal Belongings Chapter 4 MOURNING YOUR LOSS 4.1 Grief Is Unlike Other Life Experiences 4.2 Disbelief and Shock Some Ideas on How to Help Yourself 4.3 Denial Some Questions to Ask Yourself Ways That People Avoid Reality How to Help Yourself Deal with Denial When to Consult with a Professional 4.4 Rage and Anger Anger Is a Powerful Emotion Does One Have to Express Anger? Know Your Anger History When Do You Know You Are Getting Angry? Prioritizing the Things That Make You Angry When to Seek Professional Help 4.5 Guilt or Regrets How to Help Yourself When to Seek Professional Help 4.6 Depression Know Your Own Symptoms of Depression When to Seek Professional Help 4.7 Fears How to Help Yourself When to Be Concerned 4.8 Panic How to Help Yourself 4.9 Physical Illness and Symptoms How to Help Yourself When to Be Concerned Chapter 5 CONTINUING REMINDERS OF YOUR LOSS 5.1 Public Holidays Christmas Other Religious Holidays Secular Holidays 5.2 Special Family Occasions 5.3 Anniversaries Birthdays Wedding Anniversaries Special Anniversaries The First-Year Anniversary of the Death 5.4 Dreams, Nightmares, and "Visions" 5.5 Visiting the Cemetery When to Be Concerned 5.6 Revisiting Favorite Places 5.7 Unexpected Reminders Chapter 6 DIFFERENCES THAT MATTER 6.1 Old Age 6.2 Long-term Illness Suggestions for Those Dealing with AIDS 6.3 Sudden Death 6.4 Suicide 6.5 Murder 6.6 Extended Family 6.7 Grandparent 6.8 Friend 6.9 Pet 6.10 Sibling 6.11 Parent As an Adult As a Child 6.12 Love Relationship 6.13 Spouse The Loneliness of Widowhood 6.14 Child Abortion Grief as Part of Your Life Chapter 7 COMPLICATED GRIEF 7.1 Other Changes in Your Life Delayed Grief 7.2 Unusual Circumstances 7.3 Unintentional Acts and Far-Reaching Consequences 7.4 Multiple Deaths 7.5 Sudden Illness and Death 7.6 Violent Death Accidental Death Suicide Murder 7.7 Questionable Deaths 7.8 Shock of Discovery 7.9 Hearing the Death News 7.10 Witnessing a Death 7.11 Notoriety 7.12 When the Body Is Not Presentable 7.13 When There Is No Body 7.14 Secrets Discovered After Death 7.15 "Unacceptable" Relationships 7.16 Dependent Relationships Spouse Adult Child 7.17 Conflicted Relationships 7.18 Unfinished Business 7.19 Substance Abuse 7.20 Replacement Child 7.21 Unusual Developments 7.22 Missing Persons 7.23 How to Help Yourself When to Be Concerned Chapter 8 UNRESOLVED CHILDHOOD GRIEF AND TRAUMA 8.1 What Is Unresolved Childhood Grief? 8.2 No Detour Too Long to Avoid a Cemetery 8.3 Ten Years of Not Talking About It 8.4 The Girl Whose Father Killed Himself 8.5 A Not-So-Funny Joke 8.6 Problems in the Making 8.7 What Is Death-Related Trauma? 8.8 Why Review Such Painful Memories? 8.9 Where Do You Start? Gathering Information 8.10 Finding the Source of Your Grief Early Death Experience 8.11 Other Things to Look For 8.12 Restarting the Grief Process Recording Your Recollections Books Healing Old Wounds Writing Letter Writing Drawing Funeral Home and Cemetery Visits Symbolic Burial When to Be Concerned Chapter 9 THE ROAD TO RECOVERY 9.1 Helping Yourself Through Your Grief Diet Exercise Rest 9.2 You Know You Are Getting Better When... 9.3 New Relationships When Do You Know You Are Ready? Where to Start On Dating On Children and Dating How to Help Your Children On Sexuality On AIDS When a Relationship Breaks Up On Remarriage Chapter 10 A FRIEND IN NEED 10.1 Preparing Yourself 10.2 When Death Occurs 10.3 Funeral Arrangements 10.4 Funerals 10.5 Emotional Help Taking Care of Yourself 10.6 Things to Avoid 10.7 Long-Term Help 10.8 Writing a Letter of Condolence 10.9 Delivering Death News By Telephone In Person Looking Out for Yourself Epilogue Bibliography General Grief Widowhood Suicide Parent Grief Parent Death for Adult Child Children For the Family When a Member is Seriously Ill For Family and Friends The Death of a Pet Dealing with Anger For the Professional Resources Finding Professional Help Support Groups Death of a Child Suicide Death of a Spouse Death by Murder Death of a Pet Illness with Cancer Index

Review

Earl A. Grollman author of Living When a Loved One Has Died I recommend The Mourning Handbook to any reader in search of a path out of the wilderness of despair. It is a compass, pointing the way to recovery.

Review Quote

Earl A. Grollmanauthor ofLiving When a Loved One Has DiedI recommendThe Mourning Handbookto any reader in search of a path out of the wilderness of despair. It is a compass, pointing the way to recovery.

Excerpt from Book

Chapter 1 FACTS ABOUT GRIEF Let''s begin by providing you with some basic information that you need to have about this little-understood human experience. 1.1 Definitions Grief If you are grieving, you are familiar with the feeling, but what is grief exactly? Webster''s New World Dictionary gives as its primary definition "intense emotional suffering caused by loss, disaster, misfortune, etc.; acute sorrow; deep sadness." Grief is the emotion experienced by Darlene, a young client of mine who had flown home for a surprise visit on her mother''s birthday, only to learn at the airport that her mother had died a few hours earlier. Darlene''s sudden feelings of disbelief, panic, and anger are part of what we call grief, and it is what you may be experiencing right now. Mourning Mourning, on the other hand, is defined by the same dictionary as "the actions or feelings of someone who mourns; specifically, the expression of grief at someone''s death." The key words here are actions and expression. When an uncle told Darlene of her mother''s death, she fell into his arms, weeping hysterically. She was mourning her mother''s death. Her mourning continued as she cried with her family, expressed her anger, discharged her feelings of regret for not coming sooner, and took part in the wake and funeral. When you are expressing your grief, you are mourning. Although grief is most commonly associated with the death of a loved one, it can be experienced whenever there is an important loss in one''s life, such as the loss of eyesight or hearing, a sharp decline in one''s health, marital separation and divorce, or the loss of one''s job. In all these cases mourning is an appropriate and often necessary response. If you have suffered a particularly severe loss, you may need to mourn just as much as someone who has lost a loved one. While this book focuses on the grief following a death, it can be helpful in dealing with other losses as well. 1.2 When Does Grief Begin? Grief can begin whenever there is a loss or a perception of impending loss, but the three most common occasions are: a. the time of diagnosis of a terminal illness, b. the time of death, and c. the time of learning about the death of a loved one. When the doctor says, "I''m sorry, but your husband has brain cancer and it is inoperable," the hope for a cure changes to the prospect of impending death for the loved one, and the emotions of grief are likely to begin. Sometimes grief begins at the time of death. At the moment that one''s wife slumps over in her chair, has no pulse, and fails to respond to resuscitation, the realization that she is dead triggers the emotion of grief. Grief may also begin at the time one learns about a loved one''s death, whenever that might be. A young man whose mother was estranged from the family had rare, treasured contacts with her. Because of his mother''s life-style of moving frequently, there wasn''t an address or telephone where he could reach her, and he had to depend on her contacting him. When she died in an auto accident, it was several weeks before the family was notified of her death. His grief began when he got the belated news. 1.3 How Long Does Grief Last? Since grief is painful, you undoubtedly want to know how long you will have to endure this powerful emotion. Pain is generally more tolerable if we know it''s going to end sometime. A shorthand answer concerning the duration of grief is that it will take as long as it needs to take. It will take longer for some people than others, depending on the nature of their relationship to the deceased, the circumstances of the death, their support systems, how they cope with adversity, what else is going on in their lives, and the resources they have available to them. A young man called me one day to say that he was worried about his mother. His father had died and he was wondering just how long his mother would be acting so upset. I asked him how long his father had been dead and he replied, "Two weeks." When I responded, "That''s not very long," he asked, "Well, will she be better in two months?" Once again I had to say, "That''s not a very long time." He seemed disappointed that grief can''t be put on a fast track. You may encounter loving and well-meaning friends who hate to see you hurt and want to see your mourning end. They may not understand that the worst thing you can do is to try to shut off or deny these powerful feelings. Often these are people who have never experienced the death of a loved one and don''t yet comprehend the function and importance of mourning. If you have friends pushing you in this direction, simply tell them that you can recover from your grief but that you need time to work it out; when you have done so, you expect to be back on track again. (See Chapter 10, "A Friend in Need.") Although your grief can be expected to last a relatively long time -- from a few months to several years -- it won''t always be the all-encompassing feeling of despair that you are feeling now. Commonly grief is sporadic. You will have good days as well as bad days. You may catch yourself laughing, perhaps guiltily, at a friend''s joke, and then, moments later, bursting into tears when you hear a nostalgic song that reminds you of your loved one. At some point your grief will end, but this doesn''t mean that there will ever be an end to your sense of loss. A father whose son had died a quarter century earlier said, "If I were an actor on stage and needed to produce tears, I would only have to think of my son to cry." This father is a happy man leading a full and productive life, but the memory of his son and of the pain of his death will always be with him. You can expect your grief to pass, but this won''t mean forgetting your loved one. "Time will heal" is a common saying. Part of it is true, and part is myth. Time will aid in recovery from grief, but it is time that needs to be used well. Time spent frantically running from grief -- traveling, perhaps, or visiting relatives, keeping ever busy with never a moment to think about one''s loss -- will not help. Eventually, you will run out of places to go or things to do, and at that point you will have to face the void created by the death of your loved one. On the other hand, if you use your time to mourn your loss, to adjust to a different kind of life, and to get acquainted with your now somewhat altered (maybe greatly altered) identity, healing will occur faster. You may feel that your grief is unique. You are right, it is unique; the circumstances of your life will make it so. There is no standard recipe for grief that will apply to your situation. However, there are factors that will influence the length of your grief, and you can gain some reassurance from knowing what they are. (See Chapter 6, "Differences That Matter.") Age of the Deceased The younger the person is who died the more difficult it is likely to be to mourn that death. It seems unnatural in the scheme of life for a child to die, just as it seems unfair for a young adult to die just when life''s adventure is about to begin. On the other hand, when an elderly person dies, one may feel some comfort in knowing that the person had lived a long and productive life. (See section 6.1 for discussion on old age, 6.7 on grandparents, and 6.14 on children.) Cause of Death When loved ones know in advance that death is approaching, they may experience much of their grief long before the actual death. Thus, they may actually feel a somewhat guilty sense of relief when the death occurs, and what grief remains may be of short duration. Alternatively, the more sudden or violent the death, such as an unexpected fatal heart attack, car accident, or suicide, the longer one may expect grief to last. Not only will the bereaved person have had no time to prepare for the death or to say good-bye, but the suddenness and possible violence of the death will add to the burden of grief. (See sections 6.1 through 6.5 on different kinds of death situations.) Nature of Relationship Was your relationship with the deceased a loving, fulfilling one? Has it left you with a sense of completeness, filled with memories to be treasured? Or was your relationship with the deceased stormy and volatile? The emotions generated by those relationships will play a part in determining the length and intensity of your grief. (See section 7.17 on conflicted relationships.) Other Events in One''s Life Life following the death of a loved one doesn''t always cooperate to allow one to work through one''s grief. A very common story goes like this: "Not only do I have to deal with my dad''s death, but now my favorite aunt has died, my car has broken down, work is not going well, and I don''t know what will happen next or which to deal with first." Other events in one''s life sometimes dictate what must be handled first, making it necessary to put grief on hold. When this happens, the need to mourn is still there and will emerge at a later date, perhaps weeks or months later. Such complications will lengthen your grief and mourning period. (See section 7.1 on other changes in one''s life.) Support Systems The support and understanding you have around you will make a big difference in how you experience and handle your grief. Do you have a fam

Details ISBN0684801612 Short Title MOURNING HANDBK Language English ISBN-10 0684801612 ISBN-13 9780684801612 Media Book Format Paperback DEWEY 155.937 Edition 1st Birth 1940 Subtitle The Most Comprehensive Resource Offering Practical and Compassionate Advice on Coping with All Aspects of Death and Dying DOI 10.1604/9780684801612 Place of Publication Hemel Hempstead Country of Publication United Kingdom AU Release Date 1995-08-01 NZ Release Date 1995-08-01 UK Release Date 1995-08-01 Author Helen FitzGerald Pages 317 Publisher Prentice Hall (a Pearson Education company) Year 1995 Publication Date 1995-08-01 Imprint Prentice Hall & IBD Audience General We've got this

At The Nile, if you're looking for it, we've got it.With fast shipping, low prices, friendly service and well over a million items - you're bound to find what you want, at a price you'll love!

30 DAY RETURN POLICY

No questions asked, 30 day returns!

FREE DELIVERY

No matter where you are in the UK, delivery is free.

SECURE PAYMENT

Peace of mind by paying through PayPal and eBay Buyer Protection TheNile_Item_ID:8329858;